Untitled [Shitty Poetry]

I’ve tried to write you a song.

The kind of song that makes you understand

all the insignificant things

that make me love you

Do you remember what it was like?

That night we sat on the cornerstone

until our shoulders were numb

from hours of talk

and then when it came to the end

how uncomfortable it felt

to hug you, knowing it was

stolen

You told me you were afraid

that the people you loved

were going to die

and I think I might have fallen

I asked you what you wanted

most in this world

and you said

“Family”

I’ve tried to write you a song

so many different times

trying to find that perfect combination of words

but I swear to God they don’t exist.

I am

decidedly crap at poetry.

I wish I knew it the way I know you.

Maybe then this would be easier.

But I guess that’s the point

the poem is crooked and stilted

and confused

like me in the beginning

I threw the necklace into the fountain

and told myself

“I want a girl who adventures”

“I want a girl who climbs trees with me”

And there you were.

I cried into the grass on campus

and told myself

“I will never say ‘I love you’ until I mean it”

and I didn’t.

But you did.

Three days in.

And you meant it.

I’ve given up writing a song

because I’ve given up on finding the words

because no one, least of all me

can tell you how perfect you are to me.

You’re a fire, and a fear,

and enough fuel for my insecurities

but in the moments I need you

somehow it’s like you can sense it

like just now, when you said to me

that reading my blog makes you miss me less

and I was so tired of failure

but here I am again

I’ve given up writing a song.

It was a silly endeavor to begin with.

All I could ever say

could not be said in a flowery poem

nor a self-indulgent song

nor a ridiculous gesture

nor an expensive present

All I could ever say

I can say when I hold you

when I miss you

even though you’ve been gone one day.

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